Putting Kids Needs First

A only way to measure our actions

There are two viral news items making their way around Twitter today that make me uncomfortable, though one much more than the other.

Over at the Daily Signal, Mary Margaret Olohon covered CDC guidance around transgender individuals breastfeeding. I clicked through that guidance, and it’s pretty darn unclear if they’re talking about biological males or females, or both. That’s intentional, because now we’ve decided as a society that there’s no difference between the two, and that distinguishing is somehow transphobic.

She wrote the following sentence, which in my wildest dreams I never thought could possibly exist.

The CDC did not return requests for comment for this story, specifically on what health risks may be in store for babies who consume a biological male’s nipple secretion.

Mary Margaret asked me for a quote and I told her,

“We are prioritizing the emotional wants of adult males over the safety of infants,” commentator and author Bethany Mandel told The Daily Signal. “I’ve breastfed six kids—I’ve basically been nursing for a decade. You have to be careful about what kinds of medications you’re taking in.”

“There is no chance that the substance emitted by a male whose body was tricked into lactation is safe, and of course there is no nutritional value to the child,” she added. “This is about prioritizing the adult, not the child.”

The other item making its way around Twitter is a video CBS News posted of the moment when a newborn girl was handed to her parents, Ben and Aaron.

It’s discomfiting to watch, and it’s not homophobic to say so. Her hair is still matted with birth goop, and she was taken from the room where her mother is and brought into the waiting arms of voices she’s never heard. It’s unclear if the situation is a surrogacy or an adoption (the prevailing opinion seems it’s the latter).

How do I square that discomfort with the fact that I’m pro-life, and with the fact that there are millions of birth mothers who are straight, hot garbage? It’s hard.

And yet, I see this video and I wonder if we’re considering the needs of that infant, if we’re recognizing the irreplaceable role a mother plays in a baby’s life.

In this house, we believe in science.

As such, I point you towards the mountains of evidence about the biological connection between mothers and babies. But even in adoptive situations, that role of mom just hits differently. Moms and dads fill different roles in a child’s life, they scratch different developmental itches. But especially in those early months, mom is meeting the vast majority of those needs.

Can dads do it? To some extent, sure. Will Ben and Aaron do the very best they can? I have no reason to doubt it. But the fact remains that babies need a mom. An aunt, grandmother or neighbor is no replacement for that middle-of-the-night cradle that moms are best at.

And I have to ask: Who’s needs were considered first when baby Charlotte’s future was decided? I don’t believe it was hers.

When Karol and I wrote Stolen Youth, this was a theme that popped up again and again. Our society was prioritizing the emotions of adults over the needs and safety of children. Our metric should be a simple one: What is in the best interest of the child? That’s not to say that we should become butlers to children, allowing their emotions to reign over a household. But we should be putting their needs first; especially when safety is at question.

Gone are the days we put women and children first; which sucks, because I really want a place on that life raft. But as a society, we need to at least rewind to a place where at least kids get a spot.

I’m not sure how frequently I’ll do this; I started this Substack on a whim because I wanted a place to write when my main columnist gig dried up. I mostly plan to send pieces I’ve written elsewhere, for actual pay. But in this instance, it’s a Friday morning and I didn’t have the time, patience, or inclination to go through the process of pitching this to an editor. I don’t envision being able to do this often, so again, subscribing isn’t a huge commitment on your part.

Thanks for reading.